September 27, 2005

More thoughts on the robbery

So Carle called me the other day and asked me an important question that I thought I would share with you. Did the robbery and being held at gun point bring back memories of the rape? I know I have talked about it before here but this is something that I thought I should address.

Yes I do suffer from PTSD in the worst way, however the rape was not at the forefront of my mind at the time. I am actually not sure what I thought at the time. I remember looking at the gun and thinking it was fake. I remember thinking that even if it was made out of plastic it could still shoot bullets and they could still hurt. I don’t remember anything else really. I know that while I was trying to put the money it the guys bag I saw a customer outside the store looking in and I started mouthing to him, please help us, please… He didn’t do anything, bastard.

Anyway I don’t remember what else I was thinking. Just afterwards being really upset and completely stressed out. I remember panicking because I knew there was a robbery procedure that we are suppose to follow but I couldn’t remember what it was. The other girl that was with me, Elizabeth, thought that we were going to be killed. I don’t think I thought that. I think I was in so much shock that it felt like I left my body. I kind of feel that way about the rape sometimes too. That the reason I don’t remember a lot of details from it is because once I felt that knife on me I started to go somewhere else.

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September 21, 2005

The mother of all recaps...

So I know I haven’t written in forever. I called Carle today and she scolded me and told me I had to post tonight. So here I am, it’s almost midnight and I’m trying to find a way to post everything that has happened:

-Two weeks ago today I was held up at gunpoint at the VS. No one got hurt. The guy got his money and then he left. I can’t say too much because the police said so.

-I had a few days off afterward. I didn’t get paid for all of them.

-I have been told that I’m going to be transferred to another store. I don’t want to go.

-Jen and Jared have moved in together. No they aren’t dating but it makes it hard to go see Jen.

-Jen’s ex-boyfriend Billy started talking to her again. He is the one that dumped her over text message. She is still in love with him.

-Jen’s grandpa died. She went over to Billy’s spend the night. Even after she found that Billy has a really embarrassing problem that she promised not to tell anyone about. I told her it wasn’t a good idea.

So for more details please click to continue.

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Damaged-Girl[dot]Net Disclaimer:
The happenings of a survivor...

My name is Laney Marie, well that's my nick name anyway and it's the name that I choose to go by. Due to the nature of this weblog I wish to maintain some anonymity. Also this description is to serve as a warning to parents of younger children. So please pay attention:

When I was two (2) years old I was sexually abused. The situation of course was well handled by Child Protective Services and my parents. When I was seventeen (17) years old I fell victim to what they call an acquaintance rape, meaning that I was raped be someone who I knew.

This weblog will be a record of my journey through recover. At times some of the entries well be dark and will discuss the events around both incidents. Other times this will merely be a record of things that have happened to me throughout my day.

I have chosen to publish this weblog to help others out there who have gone through the same thing. Also to help parents understand what their children are going through.

Feelings do not make sense, they are made out of gray area, so please while you try to apply logic to I have gone through and what I am going through keep that in mind.